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crying inside

they've been looking at me
waiting for tears to fall

but i was laughing there
'coz they obviously didn' t notice at all

what they don't know is
i've been crying my heart from the start

especially when
somebody's saying their remarks.

that was your time usually
when you were still around

i can still see you walking there
on your way to the mic

like you're still strong and able
just how i wanted you to be

when i am not feeling so good
now that i am feeling so lonely

but then i know you can't now
that's why i'll just laugh it out

making me look so strong in my own way
though for them, i'm really hard like a stone.

well that's better for now
that makes me feel i can manage things in my own.

#thoughts
#others
#word_of_thanks
0011-A04062019

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dripping

i told myself not to cry
not for the same reason everytime
never will this happen
i promised, never again
i thought i was okay with it.
that it shouldn't matter to me
thinking i'm over it wholely
i understood it completely
especially that
people have their own minds
and it depends on their choice
what to think and understand.
but then... here it goes again.
it flashes right in front of me
that everything else turned black.
i realized inwasn't over it.
yes, not an inch.
because reality calls like a pinch.
and i'm devastated
i might break the promise i made.
but as i pondered ev'rything
i realized it wasn't that
i didn't break it
and i never would
because as i walk through it
i noticed there are still drips
it never really stopped pouring
it has been there all along
my tears kept dripping invisibly
it never really stopped.
i was crying with a smile
and those tears drip invisibly

1825-10152019