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Showing posts from October, 2019

dripping

i told myself not to cry
not for the same reason everytime
never will this happen
i promised, never again
i thought i was okay with it.
that it shouldn't matter to me
thinking i'm over it wholely
i understood it completely
especially that
people have their own minds
and it depends on their choice
what to think and understand.
but then... here it goes again.
it flashes right in front of me
that everything else turned black.
i realized inwasn't over it.
yes, not an inch.
because reality calls like a pinch.
and i'm devastated
i might break the promise i made.
but as i pondered ev'rything
i realized it wasn't that
i didn't break it
and i never would
because as i walk through it
i noticed there are still drips
it never really stopped pouring
it has been there all along
my tears kept dripping invisibly
it never really stopped.
i was crying with a smile
and those tears drip invisibly

1825-10152019

anyway

there will be this kind of times
when your heart will beat fast
and your muscles will be tensed

your heart will churn in pain
and all other parts inside ache
can't believe what's happening

when you can't even defend
what you know is true
because they'll believe what they want in the end.

maybe it's really my fault
that i open up what i know
sorry i can't keep it solely to myself

well, this pumping thing inside me
gets tired of understanding
so maybe now, i should choose  to stop

i won't open anything
just those things you should know
afterall, you still have the right.

i'll strengthen my filters now
promise, any sadness won't show
even if i don't know how

there's no use letting you know
yes, what i encountered each day
you don't even consider it anyway

you'll live within what you believe
never will it ever matter
what other people really feels or think.

i'm tired so maybe i should stop
it won't matter anyway
i don't feel i matter anyway.

you always si…

selfish

let's make this a little selfish
let me speak just about myself

i'm not someone you'll like
nor someone you'll want to be with

maybe someone you've never wish to meet
'cause i am not someone likable, i bet.

i usually have long patience
because i, too, need to be patient with myself.

i can tolerate too much negativity
because i know within me, my reality.

guessing honestly, no one would stay for me
because me too wanted to leave

but promise, i'm trying my hardest
just to be there even when i'm the last

there is this part of me wanting to give the best
but knowing i am not in authority even just to suggest.

i would choose to evaporate in this world
if it's as easy as i think and feel it is.

so when i get tired of something
i don't hesitate to stop.

especially when i know
i've spent much effort even when it doesn't show

yes, i too get tired of peop'ling
just like how i get tired of myself.